The Autobiography of Cynthia Lee
… with pictures!

By Cynthia De-Ting Lee

 
The Autobiography of Cynthia Lee
… with pictures!
By Cynthia Lee

Table of Contents
My Birth
When I Was Little.
My Talents
Cynthia the Photographer
Cynthia the Writer
Cynthia the Artist
Cynthia the Rock Star
Cynthia the Actor.
Cynthia the Comedian
My School
My Family
My Dad
My Mom
My Sister
My Favorite Aunt: Kai-Ming Lee
My Other Favorite Aunt: Kai-Rue Lee (San-Gu)
My Favorite Things
Candy & Food..
TV & Movies
Annoying People
Animals
Outdoors & Sports
Fun Events
When I Grow Up

When I was in mommy’s tummy, my sister called me Xi Gua (“Watermelon”) because I was a big baby that stuck out like a watermelon from mommy’s tummy.  Maybe that’s why my face is round when I grew up.

I was born on October 9th, 1996 as well as you see that on the cover.  Being born in 1996 makes me a mouse.  Mice are cool!  They can crawl up in little cracks.  I was a sick little mouse when I was born, and doctors stuck needles on my forehead because… I had a fever.  Poor baby.

Let me tell you a funny part that is so funny.  I was sick in the hospital but my mom went home.  So everyday my dad brings sticky yellow milk from my mom.  How did he get the milk out?  Of course my mom squeezed the milk out of her!  That is funny.

In the hospital, I slept on a bed with a plastic cover.  After I grew up, I still dreamed about me sleeping and sleep-eating.  You know what is sleep-eating?  It is like sleep-walking, except I am eating and sleeping, not walking and sleeping.  But the bed became plain because I ate all the candy.  Did you know I was KIDDING?

We drew on the tables and         A little angel?
our faces.        

Lots of baby pictures.  Picnics and stuff

When I was little, in my play pen, I made a small hole in it.  Every day, I made the hole a little bigger.  Until one day, when mom wasn’t looking, I ripped open the hole and crawled out!  Boy, was mom surprised.  But she caught me.  Darn!

When I was little, I lived in Beijing, where we had a nice driver named Lao Zhang.  He had a cat, and when I went to his house, I stepped on its tail!  The cat was so scared of me that it ran somewhere else.  Lao Zhang liked my “chocolate smile”, where I would go “ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha….” for a long long time.  This is not just for plain laughing.  It goes crazy, and it makes you go crazy!  I was crazy when I was little.

Cynthia the Photographer

I saw many people.  I take pictures about, like, eh, er, uhh, like poop, views, family, and MANY OTHER THINGS.  Let me show you a few of my favorite pictures.

I am patting my baby,                Somebody’s butt.  Can’t tell
 er, I mean ball                     you who because she’ll get mad
                       

Barbie lost her cloths.                              This is a view. 
Poor girl.                                           I like taking pictures of views.

Cynthia the Writer

I like to write poems.  Here are some of my poems:

Love and Candy by Cynthia Lee
I love candy.
I hate veggies,
Yes I do
But I’m in love
With C-A-N-D-Y.

Taster and Waster by Cynthia Lee
I want to be a taster,
So I can taste candies.
I want to be a waster,
So I can waste veggies.

I am a Money Bunny by Cynthia Lee
I love money.
Yes I do.
It is funny.
I feel like a bunny.
I feel like hopping,
when I see the money.

I make cards for tons and tons and tons of people.  I once made a card for my daddy with a doggie bone I found on Google, and he thought it was funny.  I once made a card for mommy and asked her not to be mad at me.  I said “when you grow old, I will takcaruv you”.  I was only 4 and did not know how to spell “take care of you”.  She was not mad any more after she saw the card.  This is why I make many cards.  My mom likes my feet.  I took pictures of my feet for future cards for mommy, in case she gets mad again, when she sees pictures of my feet, maybe she won’t be mad.

I’m creative and I give myself many new names.  I used to be “Super Baby Rock Star Annie Baby Mother Dog”.  Now I just go by “Pal”.  My sister calls me “Palie”.  Her math teacher is also “Palie”.  I make business cards for “Pal” and give to other people.  This is what my card looks like:

My business  card                   My dad’s business card

Here is another one of my famous writings on love.

Silly.  Of course you know I am a writer.  You’re reading my autobiography.  DUHHHHH!!!!!

I am also a good reader.  I love reading.  It’s good for you.  And I’m reading my autobiography RIGHT NOW!  Or am I writing it?  You’re never gonna know.

Cynthia the Artist

What good is a writer that can’t draw? Of course I am an artist.  Here are some of my masterpieces.

Some of my masterpieces. 

Cynthia the Rock Star

Once I thought I could sing Britney Spears, and I sang “Baby Baby One More Time”.  My sister says it’s all mixed up with other songs, but I don’t care because it was funny, and because everyone else told me I was so good.  They said I was so good I could be a rock star.  I had rhythm – MO’ RHYTHM THAN A SISTA’.

Do I dance like a rock star in these pictures?

I also sing with my sister.  She made up a song.  It was from the Hillary Duff movie, and I sing it like an Alien named Stitch, and my sister sings it like a baby.  She made it very funny, and I laughed so hard.

Stitch.  I can talk like him.
Sometimes I do the rap, and I go “pe pe pe pe….” and I spit all over the place.  That is FUN!

Cynthia the Actor

I am a good actor.  I am good at pretending to be other people.  Me and my dad call San Gu and Si Gu and Da Gu.  I would pretend to be Stitch and cool bro’.  One time Si Gu thought it was somebody else, and she got scared and hung up.

I make weird voices, like funny tongue sounds.  My dentist said I can grow up to be a comedian.

Once I helped Jennifer with her play, and I got to read the lines.  I got to say:
“Close the door, you idiot!  What do you want!”
That was TOO fun!

Cynthia the Comedian

I love to tell jokes.  I love to tell jokes like:

“Knock knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Alex.”
“Alex who?”
“Alexplain later.  Just open the door!”

“Knock knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Tom Sawyer”
“Tom Sawyer who?”
“Tom Saw yer underwear!”

“Knock knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Severed leg, heh, heh, heh”
“Severed leg who?”
“I’m gonna hit you with a severed leg!”
“That’s a good one, heh, heh, heh”.

This one is really funny when you hear me tell it like a hillbilly.  I love those jokes!  I love hillbilly jokes.

One time I went into a van, and the driver said I was a little angel. And I had fun in the van. I tore paper into little pieces and threw them all over the place. And I asked if his tip was my allowance. When I got out, I asked the driver “do you still think I’m an angel?” I thought I was being a comedian, but mom said I was being mean. Anyway, if you ask my dentist, he will tell you I’m the best Chinese comedian he ever met.

I have been to many schools.

My first school in Seattle was nursery school at the Lakemont Academy.  I had a teacher named Ms. Sara.  When I was in nursery school, Ms. Sara said “I love you”, and I said back to her “shao pai” (don’t butter me up).  She asked me what that means, and I told her it means “I love you too”.  So after that, Ms. Sara always says “shao pai” to me when she sees me.

I am now in Cougar Mountain Academy.  I love math and I am good at math.  It is fun!  Really fun!  I have THE BEST FRIEND – her name is Brooklyn Jenkins.  She is nice.  I have lots of friends: Katie, Rachel, and Cole. 

This is a picture of my school,                      Me hugging my Principal
Cougar Mountain Academy                                    … or “principal”.

Once upon a time, my mom was picking me up.  Then I said to my teacher: “Bye, love ya!  Oops!”  It’s funny because I don’t say “love ya” to teachers!  It’s for family!  Silly me.

This is what my teacher said about me:

Another time, a boy named Cole (my friend) asked me “Will you marry me when we grow up?”  And then I said “NNNNoooooo”.  I do like some boys, like Orland Bloom and Aaron Carter, but they don’t know me.  I like them, but I don’t want to marry them.  Also, I don’t want to have kids coming out of my butt, because that is OOUUCCHH!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥ ♥ ♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

My Dad

My dad is thoughtful and nicey.  My dad tells me tons, tons, and tons of stories.  They are very funny.  He makes up George Washington stories, and talks about George Washington’s boogers.  They are funny.  He also tells me Chinese stories, and helps me to show off.

When my dad is nice to me, I call him “superhero”.  One time he saved me from drinking very sour lemon juice, so I decided he was a superhero when he saved me.  Sometimes he is less nice, and I call him “stuperhero”, but he doesn’t like that for some reason.

My dad laughs like “HA, HA, HA” and “HO, HO, HO”, and it drives me nuts.

My dad helps me a lot.  Once I had to do a project, and he almost did all of it.  For the Chinese New Year poster, he helped me TOO MUCH THAT I WANTED TO EXPLODE.  Does he think he is in first grade or something?

You know like the autobiography.  He is typing for me right now.  He is nicey.  And I give him spa.  When it is one person, it is five cents.  When it is two people, I charge ten cents.  But I give him free ones when he is nicey, and I give him a free coupon each year.

My dad is funny at home, and he works at Microsoft.  Sometimes you can find him on newspapers, books, and the Internet.  But you can also find me, because I am on the web.  Why am I on the web?  Because he told the reporter about me and about this autobiography. 

Daddy giving a speech to 8000 people! Daddy holding something funny

My dad is my Toothfairy, but he won’t admit it..  He gives me a card and some money after I lose each tooth.  Here is one of the cards:

Toothfairy (Dad) gave this to me.

My Mom

I like my mom.  I like huggie with my mom.  My mom loves me, and she loves my feet.

I like huggie with my mom

Mommy likes my feet

Let me tell you a funny mom story.  Once we got stopped coming from Canada, because we weren’t supposed to bring meat.
The police said “What is this?”
Mom said “Buns.”
The police said “I KNOW it’s buns, but what is the filling?”
Mom said “Veggies”
The police said “Veggies AND…???”
Mom said “Something” 
The police said “WHAT IS THE SOMETHING!!!!!?????”
And my mom said “meat”
The police said “WHAT KIND OF MEAT????”
And my mom said “pork”
That’s long!  Wow, that’s very long!  Yup, my mom is funny because she said one word.  And the funniest was “something”.  Can you imagine:
“Who are you?”
“Someone”
“Where do you live?”
”Somewhere”
“What is this?”
“Something”
“What time is it?
”Sometime”
HAR-DEE-HAR-HAR.

Mom is sometimes mad at us, so we call her “meanimal”.  We don’t mean it.  It’s just for fun. 

When she calls someone on the phone, she never stops. 

But mom takes good care of us.  Every day she works very hard.  I once made a card for her, and asked her not to work too hard.  She just helps me a lot!

I love my family.  I told my mom and my dad that I am lucky to be alive and to have them takcaruv me.  JUST KIDDING.  I meant “take care of”.  When I was little, I wrote takcaruv.  But I know how to spell now.

These two pictures are my mom & me.  Do we look like twins?

My Sister

My sister is Jennifer.  Me and my sister play together a lot.  I am Jennifer’s Dog.  She calls me Pal, rubs my ears, and I would bark and wimper like a little puppy.

She likes to write songs.  She wrote a very funny Hillary Duff song that we sing together.

She also annoys me.  She likes to sing a song “This is a song that gets on everybody’s nerves”.  One time she was studying a place called Illinois, and I said “Yeah, that’s you.  You’re illinoiying.” (annoying)

Once me and my sister were going to make a play thingy, and I was a punk, and she said “I am gonna beat you real bad!”  I wanted to do this for the talent show at school, but my mom said I’m 38. (san ba)

Everyone at my school thinks my sister is a bully, just because she is 11 years old.  Aren’t all 11-year-olds bullies?

But Jennifer can be very nice too.  She made a pillow for me.  And we have fun together, playing outside and playing in the snow.  See?


If you look at these pictures, you’d think me & my sister are buddies!

My Favorite Aunt: Kai-Ming Lee

It’s fun to play with Xiao Gu (little Aunt), Kai-Ming Lee.  She has a bald dog, called No No.  I love playing with No No, but my mom says I am allergic to dogs.  And I say I am not!  It’s just because I scratch my eyes.  My mommy is silly.

My mom said No No, Xiao Gu, and I were buddies in the last life, but I don’t know what that means.  All I know is Xiao Gu is fun, really fun.

We put mustache on Xiao Gu when        Me & Melody, or “my WA WA”.
she was sleeping.

My favorite game with Xiao Gu is to play school.  I am the principal and she is the student.  She would fake a baby voice, and I would pretend to be a serious teacher and teacher her stuff.

Melody (Wa Wa in Chinese) is Xiao Gu’s daughter. 

Xiao Gu and I write a lot of email to each other.  Well, my dad writes for me most of the type.  I type too slow.  Here is one that is fun to read:
----- Original Message -----

Dear Tian Bao baby and the slave: (no need to capitalize this one) :)
Flora and I read the email together with hahahahahahah................Poor shao gu, I have been reading dry textbooks all day for my upcoming exams...............I feel like throwing up. Thank you for a good laugh.
Yes, I saw all the pictures, the cotton candy was so big, did you eat it up all by yourself? Flora loves cotton candy too.
I just forwarded some good jokes Melody sent me to you. I am sure you will like those too.
See you soon.
love, shao gu

----- Original Message -----

Actually I didn't type the email.  I wrote it but I have a slave who types for me (my dad).  Just kidding. Hahahahahaha.

Did you see the pictures of the Puyallip Fair?  We went there three weeks ago and it was really fun.  I got cotton candy, and we got a caramel apple.  We played bumper cars and we made people jump when we hit them.  I wanted to go on a kids rollercoaster, but I was too short.  Now I want to drink milk everyday so I can grow taller, so I can go in to rollercoaster and reach candy on the counter too.  Haha.

I know you are a good baby.  The principal loves you and No No.  My dad didn't capitalize "No No", and I taught him too.  Maybe he is also a baby - he is just very good at typing.  It's tough being the principal.  I have to teach everybody.

Please say hello to No No, Flora, your hubby, 2Gu, Big Gu, Nai Nai (the person not the body part.  haha -- my dad and I laughed so hard on that one - hahahahahahahahahaha).

See you in December.

Cynthia

----- Original Message -----

Hi, dear Boss:
I could not believe the email comes from a seven year old.........but since
she is the boss, she must write very well.
I almost felt fire (loving compassion) coming out of the screen!!!!!!!!!!
explode!!!
I am glad that I have your email address so I can write directly to you.
I enjoy your photoes, you still had your baby teeth then. I love your
brades, Flora would not let me brade her hair........How about Jennifer ?
does she like this kind of hairdo? I will show nainai and 2 yi and da yi ma all your photoes tomorrow when I have lunch with them. I can use 2 yi dieh's computer. Did you see the DVD of cousin Ann's baby passing stool? That was really good, you and your family would love it.
Being a boss is hard work, ask your dad, he knows it. I was a boss for 11
years, in charge of 25 workers and 300 volunteers......It was too much, so I
quit. Maybe you can take a break sometime. Let others take the tough job so they appreciate you more when you become the boss.
Remember how I enjoyed being a baby and you the principal?
I will ask shao gu dieh to send you our photoes too.
I miss you guys too...........
love, shao gu

----- Original Message -----

> Hello, Xiao-gu:
>
> This is Tian-Bao (Cynthia).
>
> Can you send messages to me?
>
> I wish I could go to your house again.  My dad just read me the frog
> story.  The kids are not mean to me any more.   They now know who is
> the boss (me!).
> See the new pictures my dad took:
> http://groups.msn.com/LeeFamilyReunion/shoebox.msnw
>
> I love you too much that I am going to explode.
>
> Oh yea, I miss you and no no very much.
>
> Bye now,
> Cynthia
>

Xiao Gu sends me funny pictures, like this one:

Funny picture from Xiao Gu.

My Other Favorite Aunt: Kai-Rue Lee (San-Gu)

San Gu is my dad’s sister.  I like her because she is funny, and most of the time she brings us toys when we see her.  She is nice – very nice.

San Gu got tired and fell asleep.                        San Gu hugging me.
Me and my dad scare San Gu (my aunt) and Si Gu (another aunt) almost every week.  I call San Gu and say “I have Pecan Pie.  It has a lot of PEE and not much CAN.”  Get it?  San Gu loves pecan pies and sugar, but she cannot eat it.

Sometimes I make her run from the playroom to my room, and I give her sugar free chocolate when she gets there.

San Gu told me a story about “Xiang Pi” (toot that smells good).  It is a funny story.  I think this is how it went.  There was once this person who went out and kept on tooting.  And everybody says “hey what is that guy doing?”  And he says “I am tooting but it smells nice.”  And the guards of the castle sent him to the king, and they said he is tooting all over.  And then the king says “what are you doing out there?”  And he said “I am tooting but it smells nice.”  And then the king said “oh, can you keep on doing that?”  And he said sure.  And then the king said “this is great.  I’ll give you a prize”.  Then another guy who wants the prize also said he could do “Xiang Pi”, but he couldn’t do it.  That made the king mad and put him in jail.  The End.

Candy & Food

I will always remember the first time of my favorite foods.  Auntie Nicki in Beijing gave me the first chocolate in Beijing.  She took me on buses and gave me chocolate.  Yum!  I ate my first hamburger at Burger King.  Goodie!

I like cherries and raspberries, but no veggies.  I hate, hate, hate veggies.

TV & Movies

I love watching TV, especially funny cartoons.  My favorite cartoons are: Hillbilly, Amanda Show, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Totally Spies, Sponge Bob Square Pants, and Dora the Explorer.

I also like movies, especially funny ones, like Big Mama’s House, Daddy Daycare, Bruce Almighty.

Annoying People

I like to annoy people.  I always make my hand into a fist for a long time, and then there is sweat.  Then my hand stinks, and I give to my dad to smell.  It makes him nuts, and makes me happy.

I also like to ask people “Am I annoying?”  They will usually say no.  Here is the fun part – keep asking until they’re annoyed!

I wanted to take this section out, but my dad says autobiography has to be truthful.  And I say I want to say at least one thing that is falseful: I’ve always lived in Mexico.

Animals

I love Xiao Gu’s No-No.  I WANT A DOG!  I want it so bad that I will EXPLODE. 

But mom says animals are dirty and they smell.  So I only have stuffed animals.  I have a beaver named “Beaver Lee” (Beverly, get it?), and I have a bear named “Bear Lee” (Barely, get it?).

I want a horse too, but my dad says stock has to be at $40, which may be never.  Poo!

Stephanie’s birthday.  I love horses.       Do you think this is real?

If I can’t have a horse or a dog, then I want a teddy bear hamster -- one that looks like:

Teddy bear hamsters are SOOOO cute!

My mom said I may be able to get a fish if I am a good little girl.  But I think I am a devil.

Outdoors & Sports

I love playing in the snow, but my sister is luckier.  My sister’s school always has a lot of snow because her school is on a hill.  We did get to play a little bit snow at my school, and we went sledding once.  It was SO FUN!

I also like swimming.  My sister said I am getting better fast.  I like swimming lessons.  One time I was in an art lesson, and my teacher asked if anyone has ever taken “Sumi lessons”, and I said “I have taken swimming lessons”.  Same difference!

I used to want horses, because they are cool to ride.  But now I just want an RV.  RV (recreation vehicle) is great for outdoor sports.  I want an RV because they have a tiny kitchen and a bathroom and a bed.  But I would like an RV even way better than a horse, because an RV has a cover.  Why do I want a cover?  What if it rains!  And it rains a lot in Seattle.

Fun Events

I like birthdays because I like presents.

I like Christmas because sometimes we go to Taiwan.  I like Taiwan because there is Ye-Shi (Night Market).  I like to buy fun things like keychains there, and I like to eat meatballs and shaved ice.  And sometimes I get a brain freeze from shaved ice.  BRRRRR!!!  I like Taiwan because there LOTS OF FOOD and lots of my aunts and grandmas are there too.  Oh, but there are only two grandmas, but I love both of them.  But please don’t tell them the “body part” joke when I showed you email from Xiao Gu.

These were my 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th birthdays. 
That was a fun Piñata that I hit with a bat!

  
Me & my first Christmas

Once I um at um kindergarten we had um, uh, er, to write what we were going to be when we grow up.  What I wrote was I wanted to be a boss, cashier, taster, waster, police, mom, and a warden. 

I want to be a boss be ‘cause I can boss people around. 

I want to be a cashier because I might be able to make tons of money. 

I want to be a taster because I can taste tons of things.

 I want to be a waster because I can waste a lot, like veggies.

 I want to be a police because I can underest people … just kidding.  Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, He, He, He, He.  Another word I didn’t know how to spell when I was little.  I want to be a police because I can arrest people. 

I want to be a mom because I can tell my kids to do ANYTHING I want them to do! 

I want to be a warden because I can boss the guards and prisoners around.

I hope you liked this autobiography.  It is a cool book, isn’t it?  My sister says it is for my whole life, so I am writing it too early.  But she is wrong, because I’ll write another one when I’m 20.  I cannot wait until then, because then I’ll forget stuff I wrote here.

The end bye